Discovered on: 2022-04-20 03:40:24

Source: hookup etiquette

Chat fixed — Just in time for finals.hookup etiquettePosted by anonymous guy 12/15/2009 04:22 AM | Last Reply 12/20/2009 07:35 PMDear girls who like boys,
what are your standards for behavior of a guy you hook up with? Would you demand he be exclusive unless otherwise stated? What courtship experiences (positive or negative) have strongly colored your perceptions of a particular boy.0 votes    vote downreport · private messagereply 10 votes vote downreport
private messagePosted by anonymous 12/15/2009 08:38 AMAll women are different–you are better off setting your own rules and living by them.

Here are mine:
1) Unless otherwise stated, any hook up is non-exclusive and strings-free. Feel free to make this explicit, however.
2) It is up to the person who wants more than (1) to state their desire for the next level.
3) In the case of (2) happening, you are perfectly within your rights to assert that you only want(1). However, continuing to hook up with someone who has feelings for you is generally a bad idea, and should not be done.
4)Don’t hit up any single person you’re hooking up with more than once a weekend; people are busy.
5) Nice is good. Polite is good. Lovey-dovey is not. Act accordingly.
6) Always offer to let them spend the night. It’s only polite.
reply 20 votes vote downreport
private messagePosted by anonymous 12/15/2009 08:38 AM All women are different–you are better off setting you…(I’m a straight male with lots of experience doing this sort of thing, btw)
-1reply 30 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/15/2009 09:30 AM (I’m a straight male with lots of experience doing thi…you sound like an enormous douchebags
-straight female, with lots of experience doing this sort of thing with douchebagsreply 40 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/15/2009 09:40 AM you sound like an enormous douchebags -straight fem…clearly a whorereply 50 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous girl 12/15/2009 10:17 AM All women are different–you are better off setting you…That seems like a pretty decent list imo.reply 60 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous girl 12/15/2009 10:21 AM you sound like an enormous douchebags -straight fem…Why is it that douche-y? That’s a fairly standard understanding of a hook-up.

-straight female who doesn’t hook-up without the exclusivity discussion accordinglyreply 70 votes vote downreport
private messagePosted by anonymous 12/15/2009 12:15 PMboys: don’t ignore me afterwards on the assumption that if we chat casually, I’ll think we’re dating. I would assume it were non-exclusive, but would also probably like to have a fairly serious conversation if we started hooking up regularly for an extended period of time (just to confirm that it’s still non-exclusive, non-romantic or to try to take it to the next level). if you’re interested in a girl, call her during the day to ask her to do something non-hookup related. if a guy I hook up with tries to start hanging out when there’s little or no chance of sex involved, I’ll probably assume he’s interested in something more. if he only contacts me at night on weekends, I’ll definitely assume he’s not. also: always be polite, respectful, etc. just because there’s no romantic attachment doesn’t mean there isn’t some kind of connection, so hooking up with a girl and then ignoring her is a douchebag move.
reply 80 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/15/2009 12:25 PM boys: don’t ignore me afterwards on the assumption tha…+1

LISTEN TO THISreply 90 votes vote downreport
private messagePosted by anonymous guy 12/16/2009 03:03 AMThank you for your feedback! I appreciate the perspectives, and I’m glad to hear multiple perspectives.
-OPreply 100 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous guy ’12 12/17/2009 01:27 PMEverything in the first guy post. What the girl said (If I don’t want anything further I won’t contact you during the day). Also:

1.I won’t go down on a one night stand. Feels too intimate.
2.Because of this I won’t ask for head.
3.I won’t refuse head from a one nighter either.
4.Will not offer my bed to sleep in.
5.Also won’t refuse it.
6. Will never sleep in her room. reply 110 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/17/2009 01:35 PM boys: don’t ignore me afterwards on the assumption tha…especially if you’re friends with the girl. MAN UP and address what the situation is. reply 120 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous girl 12/17/2009 01:36 PM Everything in the first guy post. What the girl said (I…I expect head during hookups, so if you have some kind of hangup about a particular sex act you need to be completely honest about that from the get-go.reply 130 votes vote downreport
private messagePosted by anonymous 12/17/2009 01:42 PM I expect head during hookups, so if you have some kind …And I expect anal from hookups, so unless you tell me you’re not into that when we start flirting it better happen.reply 140 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/17/2009 02:04 PMKJRHGSFKLJH SELF RESPECT. i cant even begin here. grow up. reply 150 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous girl 12/17/2009 02:07 PM-If we go to someone’s room, I expect sex. It’s ok if it doesn’t happen, but I assume that is where it’s headed.
-Don’t expect to sleep over unless invited to.
-Nothing is exclusive.
-Be nice. Be polite. Don’t be emotional.
-Please, no hickeys. We’re in college now.

reply 160 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/20/2009 03:23 PM All women are different–you are better off setting you…this is the perfect list. I’m so sick of guys assuming girls are automatically obsessed with them. reply 170 votes vote downreport
private messagePosted by anonymous 12/20/2009 03:35 PMIt’s true, all women are different.

The inherent thing that you have to remember, however, is that we go to a really small school. Especially if she and you have a lot of mutual friends, you’re going to see her and you have to acknowledge (privately is fine) that it happened at least in some way. Pretending like it never did is just rude and immature.

The only time that a clarifying conversation needs to occur is if it becomes a regular occurrence. Don’t just assume that because you haven’t talked about being exclusive that she wouldn’t eventually be interested in that. If you know that it’s never going to happen, say that, but girls often fall into the trap that guys set in which they are assumed to want to get emotional regardless of their actions. Chances are, unless she says something about it, she’s okay being in a gray area or a strictly physical situation.

I would say that in most situations (at least for me), if I hook up with a guy and I like him as a person, I’m going to want to pursue some sort of friendship. That doesn’t meant that he’s my boyfriend by any means, it just means that in addition to the sex, I enjoyed the conversation, so I’d like the opportunity to have more conversations? I don’t think that’s unreasonable. reply 180 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/20/2009 03:47 PM -If we go to someone’s room, I expect sex. It’s ok if…You’re never too old for hickeys. Sure its improper to leave someone’s neck covered in visible marks, especially if its a one time thing, but sucking on someone’s neck can feel really great for everyone involved.reply 190 votes vote downreport
Posted by anonymous 12/20/2009 07:26 PM It’s true, all women are different. The inhe…First paragraph is right on.

I think a clarifying conversation also needs to happen if 1) one of you pursued the other for a while, you hooked up, and then the pursuer decided to back off because i’ve seen that happen and it’s always confusing 2) you were friends before and while hooking up 3) it might be better to have one considering the first scenario you put forth, where you have a lot of mutual friends in common.

boys don’t realize that most everything can be solved with a conversation. the ignoring is what turns whatever happen into a problem.reply

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